Lost
by HeatherKF
Summary: With the batte for good going downhill, will the Autobots rise?
1. Chapter 1

The Autobot Chief Medical Officer walked down the hall in a slow trance.

His loved one…his sparkmate….

Gone.

 _in yer arms_

What had he done today?

Every day was the same. Get up. Tend to the minor to major wounds of the Autobots. Get a cube of energon to refuel on his down time. Go on patrol. Fix a few objects. Do a various task

 _good night, Ratchet_

Then he would just lie in his berth for a while…and his processor would reflect on the events of the day.

But not today.

Today his processor seemed to drift off…to him. That other mech. The one that used to share his berth, his quarters, his time

 _your spark_

He curled up in pain. He could only remember pain for the longest time.

And the memories…

Those fragging memories were practically on repeat in his processor.

He couldn't forget…he didn't _want_ to.

The medic gave out a soft sigh and started to shake. If one were standing in the dark room with him; they would only see the silhouette of a figure trembling.

His denta were clenched together tightly. This was a nightly routine; crying in the dark, empty space.

The space that used to be occupied by another.

 _Love you, Ratchet_

That bright personality…the cheerful laughter…his optimistic opposite…

"….are you still here…?"

No answer. He should have known. He was about to slip into a restless recharge again…but the memory came back like a bad virus.

And this time there was no one to shelter him from it.

Bombs. Explosions. Fire. Burning, crumbling buildings. Human bodies that were flattened; crushed, maimed, bent or broken in some way littered the streets. To call this an apocalypse would be an understatement.

 _'Is this what we're fighting for…?'_

"Medic!"

He spun around. He needed to get to the caller of that word. That sacred word from which he could not refuse but to answer.

Target acquired.

It was a familiar paintjob; that solid red with a small frame. Eager optics looked at him; and as Ratchet came closer he noticed it.

There was an iron beam through the small chassis' chestplates. It was a miracle he wasn't already offline.

The small mech looked at him with pleading, bright optics…and then went limp.

He didn't even have time to try to help the small soldier. The fierce little spark that once beat was gone. The battle ready hothead was in the Well of All Sparks now…

And he had failed the youngling. No older than his lookalike; the yellow beetle…

They had lost that one about a month ago. Found his frame at the entrance to the Ark. He had been tortured to death. His frame in odd positions; bent where they weren't supposed to be. His left optic had been gauged out; and his right had had a dagger or some other sharp object of sorts run through it. His little yellow chestplate was singed black; as though they had left him in a room of fire. His right arm had been torn off; never recovered. And his left was cut in what appeared to be random spots; but in autopsy had been pre-calculated and aimed for energon lines. His legs were shredded. There was a nub on one and his other leg was torn to ribbons. Dry energon was caked onto his chassis. A few fingers from the missing limb had been shoved into his mouth; rising the question if the rest of his arm was in his tanks. No one had dared to look.

The little yellow bug didn't stand a chance at the ferocity of the Cons.

And the worst part is that they didn't even know he was missing until the next day after he was gone.

 _Not yer fault, Ratch…_

His processor went back to the battle. One after one he saw his fellow comrade's fall. He had been able to save a few…the blue and red winged vanity Corvette Stingray that had been shot from the sky….the small grey sniper Datsun; who had his wings ripped out of his back…the ex con flightier scientist that had been shot in the back-literally-by his 'old friend'…so many went down that day. Not all of them came back. The Lamborghini twins…taken by the Seekers and never did they return. The Autobots weren't able to launch a rescue mission while their numbers were so low and in such critical condition…the eldest Datsun…second in command…shot down by the purple, emotionless scientist with only one gold loathed optic. Third in command tried to save him…Ratchet got to him in time at least. The Autobot's red scientist, green tracker, and part-time builder and healer….they were all trying. They were. However…none compared to his protégé….or they didn't; when his protégé was still with them. The little medic in training had been infected with Cosmic Rust while on patrol…they didn't even get to recover a body; his frame disappearing into the wind.

The worst part had to be going around that corner…feeling the familiar tug on his spark…the building was on fire; ready to collapse.

It was who was in it that mattered to him.

The medic walked into the hole in the wall…and in the back corner; underneath a collapsed ceiling that he had fallen through…

That was his sparkmate.

 _His bonded._

"Wheeljack…"

"Heya, Ratch…what took ya so long…?"

His words were slurred. There was energon trickling down Wheeljack's partially broken blast mask…one of his headfins were cracked; the other shattered. His optics were fine; thankfully. The rest of his frame was not however…his arm was fractured; the infrastructure showing from underneath the armor plating. His chestplate was dented and chipped; but otherwise appeared stable. One of his winglets was broken at the tip. His legs had looked like they had taken extreme duress…and he lay there, in a pool of his own energon and rubble.

The engineer chuckled; even though it caused his frame to shudder and his systems to momentarily splutter. He looked up at the medic with calm optics.

"Wheeljack…"

"That's my designation…" He coughed; an energon line went out somewhere in his frame from the sound of it. "Don't wear it out."

He stood there; stunned. Then he shook his helm and unsteadily moved over to the injured mech; starting his process with a scan. "You're…you're alright…you're gonna be alright-"

He felt something stop his servo that was holding the scanner.

The Lancia looked up at him with knowing optics and slowly shook his helm. The medic immediately yanked his servo from the others grasp and started again furiously. Again he felt that soft; pleading touch. The medic looked back down and could swear he seen the smirk in the other's optics. He also saw his own reflection.

Energon tears stained his faceplates; old and fresh.

"W-Wheeljack…don't worry; I'll-"

The medics bonded only shook his helm.

"Too much Ratch…it's okay. It's okay."

The medic felt the touch of the other trying to wrap his better arm around him. He bent down and held his lover close. So close. Close enough to feel the sparkbeat beneath the battered and broken armor.

And then the medic broke. His frame shook; and he couldn't stop. He held the Lancia tightly and spoke softly into his audio.

"I'm s…sorry…Wheeljack…"

"Not yer fault, Ratch…"

"I can't fix you…"

He clenched his denta together. Something reeked of melting rubber.

The engineer only shook his helm more.

"No…ya can't. But…I'm…with ya. I promise."

The medic let out a sob. What could he do? His lover was in his grasp and he couldn't save him!

"I'll be with ya…"

 _Pause_

"your spark"

 _Pause_

"…it'll be where I stay with you…"

A few of his systems started shutting down.

"Ratchet…"

The medic immediately looked at the engineer; concerned.

"What is it, Jack?"

His bonded only chuckled again; spilling energon once more.

"Kinda sheepish…to admit it…but I can't see…anymore…."

"I'm not leaving; don't worry."

The medic smiled down at the engineer; even if he couldn't see it, he could feel the commitment over their bond.

"Ratch….ya have to go…"

He sat there in stunned silence.

"There are other bots…they need ya."

"I'm not leaving you!"

"Ya have to, Ratch…the beams won't hold out…forever…"

Even as the Lancia tilted his helm so his faceplate faced the ceiling; the medic knew it was true. He could smell the burning rubber and wood of the debris.

Ratchet only shook his helm.

"I'm bringing you with me!"

"…no…I'll only…slow ya down…"

The engineer smirked beneath his blast mask.

"Go. I'll be alright."

Ratchet only sat there; holding him.

"Look; Ratch; I know ya…want me to offline i-in…in yer arms…"

"But ya need to go. I won't let ya join me to the Well…not today. Ya still have too much work to do."

There it is.

That cheeky grin of his that the medic seen when his other teammates were deep in recharge. The one that the engineer reserved especially for him.

"…go Ratchet…I'll…talk with ya over the bond…promise…"

He felt a light shove. He engineer was working himself out of the medic's arms; despite his weakened state. Now he lay there on the ground…covered in soot as the beams creaked ominously.

Ratchet felt new energon prick the sides of his optics.

"Now now, Ratch…ya don't need to cry for me…"

Ratchet couldn't find words. They were all choked up; but not in his throat. They were clogged up in his processor; like he couldn't figure out what he wanted to say first. He wanted to say everything of course…everything that he never told the Lancia. Everything he felt; everything he knew…

Everything he would never be able to tell him tomorrow and the days after.

"Go now…it's alright. Please; Ratchet…the building won't hold out much longer…"

The medic felt all the love; all the warmth, all the concern and all the worry flood over to his side of their shared bond. He felt dizzy for a second before he felt himself rise up to his pedes; but not by choice. He felt numb as he stood.

"…good…yer doin'…good Ratchet…now ya need to walk…"

So he took a step back…and then another. Away from the one who had stood by his side all these eons. He slowly walked away from the mech who was slowly dying in front of him. And he let himself be carried by this foreign feeling.

"K…keep goin', Ratchet…"

His vocals were straining. Must have blown one of his vocal compartments.

The medic turned and walked out; only turning back around when he had made it to the door of the building. The mech who stared blankly back at him coughed; not really seeing him but instead sensing him from his spark.

'Yer okay; Ratchet. Don't be scared. Yer gonna be okay; I promise…'

The medic turned and kept walking; listening for any of the sacred cries for help.

'Heh…ya know; it's a shame…woulda…woulda been nice to offline…'

The medic felt a lopsided surge through their bond; not one of pain but more of discomfort. The Lancia must have turned off his pain receptors when he found out he wasn't going to…

He cringed.

'…in yer arms…'

 _Pause_

'…woulda been nice to…go that way...'

 _Pause_

'Love you, Ratchet'

'I…love you too…Wheeljack…so much…'

 _Pause_

This pause felt like forever. Worry began building up in the medic's chest. He prodded at the bond a bit.

Something stirred. The building came crashing down behind him.

'good night, Ratchet'

And then everything went black.

When the medic woke up; he was back in his berth. Energon was smeared over his faceplate. He looked to the side of the berth…where he used to lay. Cold…empty. Just like how his spark felt.

The medic was lucky to be alive; they said.

He sat up and brought his knees to his chest; like he has seen many humans do when they are upset. He sobbed into his knee cables; his arms wrapped around his legs protectively and he sat there. Shaking; trembling…rocking himself back and forth and wishing with his entire spark that he could see his sparkmate one last time.

He took the time to reflect; if only for a moment, that question about luck.

Because in the end…was he truly the lucky one…..?


	2. Found

The medic sat in a chair at a table in the back corner of the room; a few tables from where he would usually sit. The bots he usually sat with, which consisted of a red scientist…the other two…his red and white visored protégé…and his bonded…they had been offlined.

 _not alone_

Now the scientist sat at the table with a red boom box trying to cheer him up; along with a blue peace-loving mech. They constantly glanced at him; talking, whispering. They were worried about him without a doubt. They used to come over and try to invite him back to the table…but as time went on and the medic became more and more reserved; they started coming to talk to him less and less. The medic didn't care; he just sat in his chair and stared at his energon. At night he would drink high grade to numb the pain; but not every night. No; only when that nightmare

 _not yer fault_

came back to haunt him.

The medic shuddered at the thought. He needed to stay sober, so he could heal the mechs that were still alive under his care. The medic's helm only drifted lower to the table.

'Who am I kidding…? If I couldn't save him…he was in my slagging arms…!'

He grit his denta and refused to cry. Not out here.

He jumped.

Someone had put their servo on his shoulder.

"Hey, Ratch-man; come kick it with us. Ya look awfully lonely over here all by yourself."

That red boom box. The slagger. He didn't want to talk to anyone right now.

The medic didn't respond, not even a tilt of the helm to acknowledge his presence; and after a few minutes; he felt the servo awkwardly remove itself and he could hear pedefalls back towards the other table.

Low murmurs.

They were talking about him again.

The medic sighed and stood up. He left his untouched cube and headed back to his medbay; which no bot even used anymore unless they were injured. Not to come bother him; not to ask how he was…

Once he got around the corner his shoulderpads sagged. His back hunched and he shuffled slowly towards his medbay.

They hadn't been able to retrieve the frames of many mechs; but the fact that he couldn't even give his bonded any way to send him off to the Well of All Sparks…the medic felt a lump in his chest. Primus he missed that mech. His spark ached every nanosecond of every orn. He wouldn't just call it quits and send himself to the Well either; that would disgrace the Lancia.

Besides; every bot knows that if one extinguishes their own spark; they get sent to the pit.

The medic grimaced. He didn't like that idea at all; he wouldn't be able to see his lover.

He didn't bother looking up as the medbay doors opened obediently before him. The medbay was just the same as it always was. It had to be. He was still alive

 _Ya still have too much work to do._

and was still pretty busy. He leaned against a medberth; helm sinking low. He hadn't bothered to turn on the lights when he came in; so he stood there, inconsolable, in the darkness.

And then someone was brave enough to come in.

"Hey Ratch; what'cha doin' in here all by ya'self? Don't ya know there are bots out there to mingle with?"

That black and white mech was going to be the death of him. Always coming in when the medic wanted to be alone in his misery.

"Go away Jazz."

"Tsk; gotta be more polite than that!"

The medic tilted his helm up just enough so he could send the most spinal-strut shivering glare of hatred that he could muster at the mech standing before him.

In return; said mech only snorted and slightly rolled his helm.

"Please. Ya don't scare meh an' ya know it. Look; ya might be sad about 'Jack; an' that's okay-"

The medic stood up angrily.

"It is NOT okay! It will NEVER be okay!"

"That's it; let it out."

The medic froze, sent a similar death glare at the irritating black and white mech; and spun around again, throwing his arms across his chest and steaming to himself.

"Mech; ya saved mah life. That day was hell on Earth; an' all the bots know it. Ya couldn't'a done more to help-"

 _Pause._

He was waiting for the medic to interrupt. Well; he wasn't going to play into that visored mech's servos. He kept his back to him.

"Ah know about pain…Ah lost mah bonded too; remember? Heh; Ah still owe that purple slag-set Con…"

The medic still didn't respond.

"Well fine then; suit ya'self. If ya don't wanna join the rest of us then just sit in here an' sulk. But remember…Ah'm pretty sure 'Jack wouldn't approve."

The medic flinched at the mention of his bonded. He heard the doors whoosh open; and shut with the same sound. He mentally sent a ping to his medbay system to lock the doors; and he felt more than heard the soft click that emanated from it. He sighed and ran a servo down his faceplate. He was getting so tired so easily. He went back to his position at the edge of the medberth; not even trying to fight the memories that crawled into his processor unwelcomed; unbidden; but not unwanted. His shoulderpads shook softly

 _don't cry for me, Ratch_

but he had no more tears to shed. He was just exhausted; worn to his limits. He turned and crawled onto the medberth; curling into a ball and shutting down his systems before the nightmare could return…the same nightmare that would haunt him for as long as his spark lasted.

Every day was the same…he couldn't…he couldn't do this anymore.

"Primus; I miss you…"

Little did he know about the black and white mech who stood outside his doorway in the shadows; leaning silently against the wall, listening with his audio receptors turned onto a high frequency and a frown displayed mutely over his faceplate.

The medic hadn't seen the black and white nuisance in a few days. He started to wonder if he should be worried. Usually he would hear his voice in the rec room when passing by; or see that horned helm of his. But he hadn't found a single trace; and he just hoped that he wasn't offlined somewhere…he didn't want to be responsible for that mech's death too.

He didn't know what the mech was doing at the moment.

How it would change the medic forever.

-pov switch-

The black and white mech raced down the road; past the cacti and towards the ruined part of the city. So many humans had died here; the same ones that they had vowed to protect. The humans were brave; already repairing the city. Whatever parts they found of the Autobot's fallen comrades they would always give to the Autobots. It amazed the visored mech how the humans so easily understood them; they didn't attack them like the Autobot security director feared they would. Then again; he wasn't surprised. The humans had more intelligence and durability than the Autobots gave them credit for.

As he headed down the streets; he slowed to avoid hitting people who were helping to clean the city; and because there was still rubble on the road. Once he got to the building that he was looking for specifically; he transformed into bi-pedal mode.

The building had been raged by fire; and the mech supposed that it was supposed to be a three or four story building; but it was hard to tell when everything was only about one story tall.

He tilted his helm to the side; much like a bird.

Maybe one and a half; he decided. He carefully proceeded inside; and peered around the corner. There was so much debris, and were so many dust motes floating around that he had to use an altered form of night vision for his visor to see properly. He quietly walked in; freezing in place as some burnt rubble shifted and fell from the ceiling, landing in a small pile on the floor. He walked as silently as he could upon the ashes and fallen stone until he reached his destination. He bent down and started to gaze over a rather large pile of building remnants; slightly protected by a beam that had fallen mere feet away. But that wasn't in particularly what had caught his optic. A grey; lifeless servo stuck out of the pile, with a bit of the arm peeking out too.

"Found ya."

-pov switch-

The medic had been recharging on the medberth again. He hardly ever went to his quarters; not with the memories. They still followed him; even in his medbay. But as least they weren't as bad in the medbay as they were in his quarters.

He flinched.

His spark had been feeling so alone; so empty…as cold as the spot next to him when he used to sleep in his berth.

So, so cold…

 _M'here, Ratch._

The medic wept to himself silently. There was so much pain…he was going insane.

He knew.

He knew what happened to a bot when they lost a bonded…when they lost their sparkmate.

It was a horrible thing.

First they would feel nothing.

Literally.

They would feel an empty shell…then came the pain.

The pain that plagued them; but not all at once.

The pain would slowly eat away at the spark of the bot who survived.

And it would slowly get worse over time.

The longer they lived; the worse the pain became.

Until they either went insane; snuffed out their own spark…or they succumbed to it.

This pain could kill a bot.

The medic curled into himself even more. His back faced the doorway; and he ignored the ping that was requested to open the locked medbay doors.

Ratchet; it is Optimus. Would you please open the medbay doors?

Commlink. It was a Primus-Forsaken thing. The medic shook his helm.

Can't. Not now.

Why not, old friend?

 _Pause_

I... need to be alone Prime; please…please.

 _A longer pause._

Very well. I will grant you this request. However; there are still mechs aboard this ship that need your medical assistance, Ratchet.

The medic stiffened.

Are you hurt; Prime?

No, I am fine. It is my Third In Command that needs your assistance.

He almost cringed when the commlink ended; and he heard heavy pedefalls head off down the hall. Must have been the red and white semi.

 _knockknockknock_

The medic sat up in confusion; getting up and pinging the door control to open.

That black and white nuisance stood there; a sly little grin on his faceplate.

He looked like slag.

His armor was all beaten to bits; his frame was dented in his back where his hood was; the front window (which was also on his back) was shattered; along with a side window on his right. His servos had minor cuts in them; but ones that required medical attention and his legs could barely hold him up; but otherwise didn't appear to be damaged.

Their leader must have helped him here.

"Mech; ya gonna help a bot to a medberth or what?"

That grin. He knew that grin.

It meant something was going to happen; and the medic was in no mood for it.

He stood up and walked over to black and white mech; half helping half dragging him over to a nearby medberth. He felt the mech try to clean his faceplate and quickly pushed his servo away.

"If you came here just to fuss over me-"

The mech on the medberth in front of him gave a drained laugh.

"Mech; Ah'm here because Ah _was_ fussin' over ya!"

The medic gave him a confused look.

"What?"

Said mech just shook his helm; that grin never leaving his faceplates.

"Just fix meh up man; got things to do; places to go."

The medic snorted and grumbled to himself; but otherwise carried out the procedure. He scanned him for internal damage; found a few blown energon lines; and tended to them first since those were the most spark-threatening damages to the mech that lay in front of him. Then he welded back his outer armor, yanked the dent out of the mech's back (which he got a surprisingly powerful yelp from), and fixed his legs back up. Lastly; he fixed the windows and checked his energon levels. He had lost quite a bit; but not enough that he couldn't move out and about on his own.

Overall he had taken about three hours to fix him. About twice as long as it should have. He knew all the procedures; knew what to do and how to fix a bot.

Shouldn't have taken that long.

"Alright Jazz; you're free to go. But no patrols; you get monitor duty twice a day; and that's it. No other jobs. Only lift light weight objects; and drink four cubes of energon for a vorn. Got it?"

The mech lying in front of him sat up and grinned.

"Psshhh, that shouldn't be a problem with meh."

"Isn't that the truth."

The medic rolled his optics; watching the black and white mech shuffle out to the rec room.

He checked his internal clock.

5:45 pm

He had time to rest.

And so he did; and once again he didn't know what the black and white mech had in his processor.

He groaned as he sat up.

He had managed to get some recharge; about the equivalent of a 'nap,' as the humans would say.

10:47 pm

About five hours. Five hours two minutes and 36.898 seconds to be exact.

He yawned. He had been blessed enough to have a decent sleep…no nightmare. No memories. At least not until now. That face…that face always came back to haunt him! He couldn't get away…he hadn't wanted to. He had wanted to join his lover in the Well if it meant being with him. But his lover disagreed…and he just couldn't take it if that Lancia didn't forgive him.

He sighed.

He could feel the pain coming on again.

The pain that resonated from his spark. It was driving him crazy; and then it would probably kill him. That's what happened when one broke a sparkbond. The medic sat up and brought his knees to his chestplates. He had cleaned his faceplate earlier; however it seemed like it was always covered in fresh; wet energon tears.

 _don't cry for me_

"Slaggit Jack; I can't help it!"

He buried his faceplate into his knee cables as cries wracked his frame; jolts and tremors echoing throughout his frame when he let out a particularly violent sob. He didn't even know he had forgotten to relock the medbay doors until they gave the soft whoosh sound to indicate that they had been entered.

"Ratch…? Why are ya cryin'?"

That voice…! Had he finally lost his processor!?

He spun around on the medberth; tears flooding down his faceplate.

And his optics met such familiar ones.

Such kind ones.

His spark skipped not one; but two beats.

It was his bonded.

But his spark…still felt empty. Could it be true? Was it really his bonded? Or was it just his imagination?

He had to find out.

He had to.

The medic practically fell off the medberth as he stumbled over to the mech that looked at him in shock.

And promptly tackled his midriff; sobbing into his frame.

"W-Wheeljack…oh, Primus; Wheeljack…"

"R-Ratchet? Hey; what's wrong?!"

The medic looked up at the engineer which he was sure he had lost. His spark…it still hurt. And it was only getting worse.

"Y-You're…dead…I watched you die…!"

"Shh; I'm here now; ain't I?"

"I felt so fragging alone…"

"Not alone."

"It was all my fault…"

"Not yer fault."

The medic felt the Lancia pull him closer in a hug; holding him tightly.

Of course; the Lancia wasn't in perfect shape. He was still banged up; scratched; dented…but he was here.

"H-How are you here…?"

The engineer shrugged as best as he could with a medic attached to him. Somethin' Jazz did. Don't know what exactly…"

And there's that distant look. For some reason it looked so fitting upon his engineer.

'Primus; if I'm sleeping please, please don't let me wake up…'

He felt his bonded rub a thumb over the top of his chevron. He shivered. That was always one of his favorite spots. The tingles that ran up and down his spinal-struts from the sensory nodes were bliss.

"It hurts…Jack, it hurts…"

He felt the touches stop immediately.

"What?"

He shook his helm.

"No; my spark…it hurts…"

The Lancia immediately knew what was happening.

The medic cringed and choked back another sob.

"Our bond…it's broken…"

The engineer just retracted his blastmask and gave him that cheeky grin-the one he reserved for the medic especially; wiping away the medics warm tears.

Then he leaned forward and whispered to the medic; giving him something akin to an enthusiastic eyebrow wiggle.

"Then maybe we should reform that bond."

And the last thing one could see before the engineer sent a ping to close and lock the doors would be the same mech leaning down to claim a kiss from the medic.

Fanart from an an amazing artist found here: art/I-Can-t-See-Anymore-486013726


End file.
